what do you think is the best way to handle bullies?
Hard to say. There are so many different types of bully and so many types of victim, I’m pretty certain that no one specific approach method will work. For me, what worked was becoming a complete smartmouth and learning to be OK with getting my ass kicked for it. Once I got funny and confident and a little mean, they backed off. Mostly.
Here are some suggested parenting guidelines though:
- Thou shalt not make it the child’s job to be bullied less.
- Thou shalt not comfort the child and then fail to act on their complaint
- Thou shalt not assume a simple answer can be found to fix the problem
- Thou shalt not punish thy child for fighting back.
- Teach thy child to fight dirty, but make them aware that fighting back does not always stop the harassment
- Honor thy weird kid and teach them about social cues, even if only so they will understand that this is a bunch of monkey instinct shit and not a matter of personal worth or failure.
granted my experience was back in the 70’s and 80’s, when bullying was treated as okay and normal, and there was no mandate for teachers to do a single damn thing about it, but — my parents taught me that some people are just assholes, and you can’t make them not be assholes, and it’s okay to just survive them. it actually helped my self-esteem a lot, even if it did fuckall to make the bullying stop.
My dad dealt with my bullies by having a STERN FATHERLY CONVERSATION about how mutual respect is paramount to keep society from solving its problems through violence…
All while holding my strongest bully in a (mild) headlock disguised as a STERN FATHERLY ONE-ARMED HUG
Straw poll: Is “faggot” exclusively-male?
I use “bicha” (which is basically the brazilian term for “faggot”) to refer to myself as a queer woman, and have never been questioned on this by other queer men and women i interact with. In my close group of friends, queer and non-, they think it’s both a funny and accurate description of myself.
However, I have never seen anyone else use it to refer to people who are not DMAB, or to themselves if they don’t identify as male. And probably for that reason I avoid using it to describe myself in circles that don’t seem particularly queer-friendly, out of fear that it’ll be mistaken for a jab at queer people rather than the homorous admission that I am one.
I gave my students an unscheduled holiday and my bosses like to annoy us about every tiny thing (then again, that’s just for general administrative bullshit, they have shown no interest whatsoever in how are classes going or how are we doing). If they get mad at it, i’ll explain my reasoning (students had a very tough first day which included taking an 8-page test and behaved well, I needed some time to correct the test and prepare according to it, the Carnaval made this a holiday for all my other classes and I thought it’d be good to keep their schedules matched up, they mentioned that some of their professors were extending the holiday, I gave them homework to make up for the lack of class) and if all of that fails I’ll just promise not to do it again and stick to that promise…
Then again, this is all my anxiety speaking, since our bosses are not keeping any track of our schedules and have pretty much given us free rein to decide on scheduling and activities. It’s really bizarre that I’ve been anxious, since my friends always consider me to be the chillest person they ever met and I’m usually the one to calm everybody down. I guess I’m just nervous and feeling like I have to prove myself and make all of my education as a teacher count, but that’s just silly because I know I’m more than capable, I’m experienced and my students tend to like and respect me.